My Last UK Trip Has Began! / Life

I've realised how hard to keep writing blog posts.... It's just more difficult than I imagined.
It's already February! I'm in Nottingham now.

After coming to the UK this time, I just become speechless. Well everything is really confusing and every time I try to write something here, I have to delete them right after.

You might think what you're doing there? That's a question sooooooo many people have asked me. even an immigration officer. The answer is i'm enjoying doing "NOTHING" 
I know you might not be convinced. I'm a super organised person so that if I hear someone saying so, I would be like 'WHAT?' But anyway I'm here in Nottingham doing nothing.
This is because I start working in April so 100% I won't be able to come back to the UK. Since I've been such a world traveller these years, I really don't know whether I can stand up not being able to travel. People around me are so worried about me but anyhow I have to work and live on my own you know?
I just thought it would be nice to have time to think about anything without any pressure before starting work. Well I can do that in Japan but why not in the U.k. observing the different culture?

So I'm in Nottingham thinking about my life. My biggest fear right now is 'what if I can't meet the guy and stay single until I die' following 'what if I can't find anything I really want to do'
Maybe you think it's just too early to think about marriage. Well it's true but as a female, I have to think about my body because I want to have my child. I find this point very unfair to the male but at the same time very fascinating aspect of human birth. Moreover, it takes two to have relationships and get married. Well having no boyfriend for many years panics me. 
No single person will find me attractive and a partner.... No one loves me..... These kind of sad thought occupy me and bring me into a dark circle. Am I the only one who scares these thoughts? 
At the same time, not every marriage is the happy one. I'm not saying the divorce is bad bad bad but I wish I could find someone I respect and spend time together until I die. Maybe that's why it's sooooo difficult  to find the one....
The second fear; what if I can't find anything I really want to
Well it was really hard for me to find a job  since I didn't study so called practical subjects. There are so many jobs out there but I don't know all. What I've decided is doing something which can have a look the business itself and hopefully bump into the one I really want to. Well this sounds not specific enough but I guess my working experience will show me some way to go there.  

I just hope I can give you some sort of comfort for someone who feels a bit lost in their life. 
We can do so many things in our life but the life has the limit.........